The Hylton Memoirs

When I said my blog was making a comeback, I wasn’t telling a deliberate lie.
I had a new web site designed, I started brainstorming blog ideas, and I even tried to stay semi-cognizant at a recent bachelor party in case anything memorable happened (we shot guns and hit golf balls into the sagebrush during a thunderstorm, but things start getting a little hazy after that).
I know my mom’s really disappointed, which I’m pretty sure means I’ve let down 100 percent of my readership, but I really meant to start being productive again.
I just forgot one important detail: not much happens in Wells.
It’s not that I’m lazy or that I’ve made a conscious choice to stop embarrassing myself online to an audience that may occasionally include prospective employers.
I just don’t have many chances to participate in drunken debauchery or much to say about daily life, and the things I do have to say are made up, and I’m partial to devoting those thoughts to my floundering novel because, despite the prevalent mental images of Ernest Hemingway drinking whiskey and writing at the bar while intermittently throwing fisticuffs with assorted groups of rapscallions, all while never looking up from the page, writing a monumental, or trivial, work of fiction is really hard.
I’m also not keen on revisiting the old college experiment called “start drinking whiskey before noon and see what happens.”
I mean, I guess I could continue to rail against the filmography of Ben Affleck in my spare time, or give you all a shot-by-shot summary for every round of golf I play, or I could lament about how Americans continue to partake in a ridiculous obsession for quasi-celebrities with no apparent talent (Paris Hilton, Spencer Pratt, or, come to think of it, Ben Affleck) at the expense of facing anything that resembles an issue of national importance, but I think we’ve been there before.
At this point, it seems like maybe I should give up on being referred to as “Noted blogger Garrett Hylton” and move on.
Thing is, my writing hasn’t been sharp lately, and blogging frequently helps that (plus, I’m really self-absorbed).
So I’m not really sure what to do to fix this, but I’ll try. Again.